Power of Words

Something really painful that someone once said to me was that my top school wouldn't want me if they watched me play. After I played poorly at a soccer showcase, my dad was frustrated that I didn't perform well. I later found out that my top school was at that game, and my dad told me that if he was the coach, he wouldn't want me for his program. That is something that has stuck with me for a long time because of how much it hurt me. I think it was very hard to hear because soccer is something I am very confident in due to the amount of work I have put into the sport, and the commitment I have given to it. Although soccer is arguably one of my best abilities, it is also what I have the most insecurities with. I have had low self-esteem regarding soccer in the past because of previous teams I have been on and by being too hard on myself for playing poorly. When I am questioned about how talented I am at the sport, it often results in myself questioning again the abilities I have. My dad has always been my biggest supporter, but has also pushed me more than anyone to be the best I can. By making me reflect on my talent, especially after I was already upset about not playing well, he truly hurt me. The words he used were making me question a sensitive topic in which he had no place to do, and it hurt especially because it came from someone who should be my so-called biggest supporter. Whenever the topic is brought up, he mentions that he is not sorry for it and hopes that it will motivate me to play better. I think this has resulted in my need for closure and for him to reflect on how his actions have negatively impacted me in the past. It has stayed with me not only because of the pain it caused, but also because it has pushed me to want to continue to play the sport for myself. I am not playing for the approval of my dad or coaches, but to feel confident in myself and leave the field knowing that I tried the best to my abilities. I just wish there could be an apology.

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